It's Still There
by NiiSiiChiiChan
Summary: It's been 3 years, but the pain still haunts Gaara. [LeeGaa. Gaara P.O.V. Lime.]


**Title:** It's Still There...

**Pairing:** LeeGaa

**Description:** It's been 3 years, but the pain still haunts Gaara.

**Note:** OMG! Seme Lee fic! Even though I'm not a fan of LeeGaa. And this ish sad in my opinion! It made me cry while I was writing it. (I always write the little notey thingy after I write it all, heh.)

**Disclaimer:**;;. WHO THINKS i OWN NARUTO!! crickets chirp TT.TT

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**Gaara P.O.V**

It's been three years since...Since..._he_ did that to me. I've never gotten over it.

If there was a spring in my step before, it sure as hell wouldn't be there now. It was replaced by a permanent limp. It would never go away; nor would my memories.

He avoided me now, since he had moved to Suna by instructions given from the Hokage. He was beginning to figure out that since I was Kazekage, I could be any where I wanted, any given time. And now that he was in my country, he was under **_my_** rule. I'd see him out in the desert by the oasis training, occasionally skinny dipping when the heat was too much to bear. I'd also see him at a popular homosexual bar. There was no doubt he was gay. He never stayed long. Only went in for an hour or so, coming back out looking dishelved, collecting his pay from the manager, slipping into his car, and driving off to his house. Either he worked there, or he was in a relationship with the manager.

I'd follow him home and watch him undress and go to bed around 5 in the morning. And I'd sit there, watching him. I found myself doing that a lot. Anytime I sensed his chakra close to me, front, back, side, over, under, I'd tense up, watch his every move, my chest would clench up and sting. I'd always remember back to when Yashamaru had explained to me what love first was. In fact, I had the friggin' word branded on my forehead and STILL didn't know what the hell it meant. But, I knew what ever the heck I was feeling, it sure wasn't love. It was more...fear...Yes, I, Sabaku no Gaara was afraid of a ninja who wore tight, green spandex, orange leg warmers, and had a 5 year old bowl-cut.

I wasn't always afraid of him. There was a time when we were comrades. It had happened after the fight with Kimimaru. I had said something about his sensei, and he bitched at me. Then we became friends. I was, what, thirteen? He was maybe fourteen? Or at least about to turn fourteen. I had figured out his birthday was in November, 2 months before mine. I can't remember what month the fight was, but I remember almost every little detail from

4 or 5 years after that.

It was January, just after the new year. Of course, as usual, Naruto had his little New Years Eve party to celebrate the dropping of the ball. '5...4...3...2...' everyone got with their partners to kiss before the ball dropped. Lee and I were left standing alone. '1...HAPPY NEW YEAR!' Everyone shouted, Naruto's voice being heard over everyone else's. They kissed, and I felt a hand tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see a blushing Lee, asking me if he could kiss me. I rejected him, not feeling stable. Remembering it was a full moon night, I had stumbled outside, the punch had been spiked and I drank a little, but not too much, feeling the burn of alcohol. But Lee had drank it. No, he didn't _drink_ it, he _CHUGGED _it.

A few minutes later was all a blur of his green jumpsuit, being dragged into a room and stripped forcefully, Naruto shouting at us to get out of the kitchen and to a bedroom, not aware that Lee was drunk and pissed. Not pissed because Naruto had yelled at him. Not pissed because Sakura had rejected him. Not pissed because his life was horrible with friends who practically hated him; he was pissed because **_I_** rejected him.

The next 2-3 hours aren't a blur. In fact, they're the reason for my limp. The lifeless shine in my eyes. The growling, and the extra protectiveness of the sand. It's still not done on my will,but on Shukaku's.

I remember, so very clearly, like it was almost yesterday, being thrown onto a soft bed. At first, I thought 'Nothing to worry about. There can't be anything that bad about to happen.' But I was wrong. Oh so wrong.

He tied my hands to the head of the bed with a cloth he had ripped off of my clothes, tyeing my hands until I couldn't feel them. The circulation had been cut off. The only comfortable position I could find was bending over, my hands resting on the mattress, still tied, my butt high in the hair. I was breathing heavily.

That position was the biggest mistake of my life. I sensed something behind me, but the alcohol had blurred my senses. My sense of reality. I let my mind wander off to things that calmed me. Death, murder, blood lust...But my happy state of mind was jarred by the insertion of something...hard and long...into my ass. At first, I didn't know what it was. It took a few thrusts to realize what it was.

Lee was fucking me. Hard. And. Dry. The pain seared through my body, piercing my innocence and tainting me. 'No! Lee! Please don't!' I cried, squirming and trying to get away from the man who had me tied up like his own harem. 'No, Gaara. You hurt me.' He said, gripping onto my waist and letting a moan escape from his mouth. My own bubbled up, but I refused to let them out. Again I tired, I tried sitting up, but he put all his body weight on my back. That was too much for my frail body, and I collapsed underneath his weight. I wouldn't give up just yet. Trying again and again, I wriggled. This was and that, only to have him pick up the pace (which hurt more than his already ongoing motions) or lean down and bite my collar blade, leaving his mark forever branded on my shoulder.

He must've came at least 3 or 4 times inside of me, before a whole new rhythm started. One that hurt. The one that tore me, both emotionally and physically. He untied the knot keeping my hands to the bed, and I felt the blood rush to my hands as they throbbed; the tears flowing down my face in a steady stream as he grabbed a firm hold of my hair and yanked me up so that my back was against his stomach. He thrust in and out more, these ones reaching deeper, and making my moans harder to control. I could feel the warm blood trickle down my thigh, leaking onto the bed sheets and Lee's member as he went, in and out, in and out. I had nothing to grasp to control my orgasms, and wound up biting my lip until it bleed. I was surprised, with all this blood and the full moon, that Shukaku did not try to kill Lee. Though, at that time, I would've loved it.

'Silly little slut,' He sneered into my ear, his words cutting deeper into me. 'You know you like this. You know you want more. Just admit it and I'll stop. Otherwise, I'll fuck you 'till you bleed to death.' I was stuck between a rock and a hard Rock Lee. Either admit defeat and give up easily, showing the world I was week, or stay here until he passed out, falling over me. But then, I would be able to kill him. Oh, how that pushed me even more to let him keep it up until he passed out.

If I admitted now, I'd be free to go. I'd be able to go back to my regular life, kill him later. Or kill him once he finished. Why...Why did those decisions have to end the same. I didn't want to kill him. If it hadn't been a full moon, we would've kissed, and then had sex willingly, where I could enjoy these positions. But no. Fate had me tied again. It had me sitting on it's bed. When it felt horny, it'd toy with me. When it was in the market for another, it'd be a bitch. When it was happy, it'd be good to me. But now, it was super horny, making the best out of toying with me, playing with me, sucking me, teasing me.

'I...' I had started, not wanting to open my mouth. But, I never finished my words.

I remember him passing out on me then, falling over, his dick growing soft inside of me. Finally, I let out those moans that had been locked deep inside. They were small and quiet, but nonetheless, I felt wrong. I felt violated. I pulled him out of me, shoving him over towards the wall, looking at this member which was caked with blood. Leaning up against the head-board, I brought my knees to my chest, laying my forehead on the tops of my knees.

And I cried that night. I cried until Lee woke up, and I smacked him, beat him until he couldn't stand, screamed at him and told him he raped me, I cried and grabbed my boxers, pulling them on quickly and leaving, my clothes and the rapist laying in a heap on the floor.

Now, presently, he apologizes to me when he happens to be in the same room. Bowing to me. Apologizing up and down. I shrug off his words, my heart heavy, and leave off to my chambers to cry.

I cried every night after that New Years Day 3 years ago. Every night I would curl up in a ball and cry, Shukaku not even bothering to laugh at me.

But I have only one question to ask you...

Would it be wrong...

If...

I said...

That deep down...

I didn't hate him...

I...

I...

I loved...

Him...

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

This took me...3 hours...To write...dies x.x;;. Gawd. When I wasn't crying my eyes out, I was writing this. I think Gaara _may_ be a little OOC in the end. But hey, I think it's a good ending ). R&R please. Thanks )


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